The first few weeks of secondary school are exciting but can also be a nerve-wracking time for many children. The new uniform is sharp, the timetable feels different, and the building itself can seem enormous compared to primary school. While some children appear to adapt quickly, plenty of others continue to feel anxious well into the first term. If your child is one of them, rest assured that this is entirely normal. Transition takes time, and even the most confident pupils can have a wobble when faced with so much change.
In this guide, we’ll explore why worries often continue beyond the first day, how you can reassure your child and the practical steps that will help them settle in. The aim isn’t to eliminate anxiety altogether—because it’s often a natural part of growing in new situations—but to give your child the tools and support they need to cope and build confidence.
Why worries linger after the first few weeks
Many parents expect nerves to vanish once the first day or two is over, but often the opposite happens. In the early days, adrenaline and novelty carry children through. They are distracted by new stationery, different teachers, and the excitement of wearing their uniform for the first time. After a couple of weeks, however, that sparkle can begin to fade, and the reality of secondary school sinks in.
Children can suddenly notice the size of the school campus and how easy it is to get lost. They feel the weight of keeping track of books, homework, and PE kit. They realise friendships from primary might not slot neatly into this new world. In short, the practical and social challenges start to feel real, and with that comes a wave of uncertainty.
It’s also worth remembering that secondary school is physically and mentally more tiring. Early mornings, travelling longer distances, and concentrating across a full day of varied subjects can leave children drained. When tiredness sets in, resilience naturally dips and worries feel bigger than they are.
Reassure your child that settling takes time
The best starting point is to normalise how your child is feeling. Anxiety thrives on the idea that “I’m the only one struggling.” Gently remind them that lots of pupils, even those who look confident, are also finding the adjustment difficult. Some are anxious about homework, others about making friends and others about finding their way to the right classroom.
You might say something like: “It’s completely normal not to feel settled yet. Everyone takes a different amount of time to adjust, and you’re doing really well just by keeping going each day.” Framing it this way reassures your child that there is no set timetable for confidence and that nerves are not a sign of failure.
Finding positives in each school day
When children feel anxious, their minds tend to zoom in on the negatives. They remember the moment they forgot their homework but not the teacher who kindly helped them. They recall the awkward silence at lunch but forget the smile from a classmate in the corridor. Over time, this negativity bias can make school feel like a place filled only with difficulties.
One way to counter this is by creating a habit of noticing positives. Ask your child each evening to share one good thing about their day. It could be tiny—perhaps the bus was on time or a lesson went better than expected—but gradually these small moments stack up. The more they practise looking for positives, the more balanced their view of school life becomes.
Calming strategies for anxious moments
By now your child may have worked out the situations that trigger their anxiety. For some it’s the noise of the dining hall, for others it’s the uncertainty of who to sit with in class. Having a few calming techniques ready can make these moments more manageable.
Encourage them to try deep breathing, where they slowly breathe in, hold for a moment, and then breathe out. This simple act signals to the body that it’s safe to relax. Another option is visualisation—asking them to picture themselves coping well with the situation, such as walking calmly into the hall or raising their hand in class.
Practising these at home is essential, because skills rehearsed in calm moments are easier to use when emotions are high. You might even practise together, showing your child that calming strategies are not just for children but useful for everyone.
Supporting friendships without pressure
Two or three weeks into the term, it’s common for children to worry that they still haven’t found their group. Some may see others laughing together and assume friendships are already locked in, when in reality most children are still figuring things out.
Remind your child that true friendships take time and that it’s perfectly normal not to have a “best friend” yet. Encourage them to take small steps, such as saying hello to a classmate, sitting with someone new, or joining an after-school club where interests are shared. Clubs are particularly valuable because they provide ready-made talking points and remove the pressure of striking up conversations from scratch.
Above all, avoid putting pressure on your child to “make friends quickly.” The more relaxed the atmosphere at home, the easier it becomes for them to approach peers at school in a natural way.
Building independence gradually
A lot of school anxiety is tied to feeling unprepared. Children worry about forgetting homework, losing their way, or arriving late. You can help by giving them opportunities to practise independence in safe, supportive ways.
For instance, let them take the lead on packing their bag the night before, but be nearby to check they haven’t forgotten anything. Talk through their timetable together so they know which lessons are coming up. These small experiences give your child the sense that they are capable of managing their new responsibilities.
The importance of healthy routines
By this stage of the term, many children can feel like they are running on empty already. Long days, homework, and social effort all take a toll, and tiredness can make anxieties loom larger. A steady routine at home can make a big difference to help them reboot and recharge.
Encourage consistent bedtimes so your child is getting enough rest. Plan balanced meals that provide sustained energy, rather than sugary highs and lows. Make time for relaxation too—whether it’s reading, drawing or simply chatting together. A child who feels physically and emotionally cared for is better equipped to handle the emotional ups and downs of secondary school life.
Working with school staff
If your child’s worries seem to be getting worse rather than better, don’t hesitate to reach out to the school. Teachers and pastoral staff are used to supporting children through the transition and will welcome your input.
A simple email to the form tutor can open the door to extra help. Schools often have buddy systems, wellbeing mentors or lunchtime clubs designed for pupils who find the transition tricky. By working in partnership, you ensure your child has consistent support both at home and at school. If the anxiety is especially bad, call your GP to book in an appointment.
Looking after yourself as a parent
It’s not only children who feel anxious at this stage. Parents often worry about whether their child is coping and whether they’re doing enough to help. These feelings are completely understandable, but they can unintentionally spill over to your child.
Take time to talk through your concerns with friends or other parents. Sharing experiences often reveals that many families are going through the same thing. Remind yourself that transition is a process and that bumps along the way are not signs of failure. When you remain calm and hopeful, you provide your child with a reassuring model to follow.
Patience and perspective
Perhaps the most important message is that the first term is the hardest. It takes weeks, sometimes months, for new routines to feel normal and for friendships to deepen. Anxiety rarely disappears overnight, but with encouragement, your child will build resilience and confidence.
Celebrate progress, however small. A day with fewer worries, a new person spoken to, or homework handed in on time are all steps forward. These moments matter, and acknowledging them shows your child that they are moving in the right direction.
Final thoughts
If your child is still anxious a few weeks into secondary school, don’t panic! It’s a perfectly normal part of adjusting to such a big change. By offering reassurance, practising calming techniques, building independence and keeping routines steady, you can help your child move from nervous to confident.
Secondary school brings challenges, but it also opens doors to new opportunities, friendships, and discoveries. With your support, your child will soon find their place and begin to thrive in this new chapter of their education. The best is yet to come!